Fronson Premiere

Me, Myself & Ronson

So, it took me forever to commit time to writing about the F is for Film Pilot and The Courtship of Ronson Crumb Premiere that went down on October 7th, 2011 but it was not for lack of enthusiasm. You can blame Maya for that. Go on now, blame a helpless adorable baby girl. Point your indignant finger at her squishy face.

With that out of the way, I first want to thank everyone who made it out to Tribecca Cinemas for the event. You guys were awesome and I’m grateful to have so many cool people supporting these labors of love. For those of you who couldn’t attend because of either distance or lack of interest in things that are wonderful, it was a memorable evening.

I can’t express to you how surreal it was to see our name up on the marquee. The only time I’ve ever seen my name in lights before this was when I used my sister’s Lite Brite to write out my name. I walked around the town a little taller that night -which is saying something because I’m 6’3. For those unfamiliar with the Tribecca area of New York City, it’s full of hipsters, TV producers and minor celebrities. If I put a bat in your hand, spun you right round baby right round, and sent you off a-whackin’, you’d doubtlessly smack a big time TV producer in the face. All of the big NY production houses are tucked into that little corner of NY. As for celebs, does this count? Zack claims to have seen her… although she is actually a man named Andrew so… yeah.

After we drank, and drank, everyone filed into the theater where Zack and I took the stage. I’d written some gags for us, but that never goes over well. Instead we did some adlib out of the book of shadows, putting our heads together like siamese twins and trying to talk at the exact same time. The drunk crowd responded well so I swung for home with my line of the evening.

“I have such a boner right now.”

‘Twas the erection heard round the world. This didn’t go over as well until Shawn came out and asked if he could feel it. My memory of what happened next is fuzzy but I’m most certain that I politely declined his advances. I am proud to say that the pilot episode was received enthusiastically, and I heard several people in full guffaw.

Zack and I had to sneak out to discuss party planning issues so we missed the reaction to the animated “Ryan Reynolds Through History” but people tell us it got big laughs. It’s funny though, you never know what people will laugh at. Some gags I thought were the weakest got the most reaction and others I thought were killer flopped. One thing is for certain though, NOT ONE PERSON IN THAT ROOM OUTSIDE OF THE CAST SAW THE PROPOSAL.

Inbetween F and Ronson, Throbbing Temple Productions aired a just finished sizzle reel for a reality show they’re shopping around about raver culture. I was fortune enough to meet one of “the crew,” a girl, nay, an Disneyland ride, named Tara Tiger. Suffice to say, I’m a fan of whatever she is. Tiger blood sorceress, though she may be.

I was nervous watching Ronson. Mostly because I do some truly terrible, disgusting and embarrassing things in it. People came up to me afterward and were complimentary but perhaps the highest compliment they paid me is that they were nervous around me. I still don’t consider myself an actor but I was glad that people saw what I did and labeled it acting.

It was a wonderful event and thanks to Shawn, Zack, and everyone at F is for Film, and Ronson Crumb including Fizz who couldn’t be there, all that hard work seems to have paid off. It was as close to a celebration of me as I may ever get -and probably better attended than my funeral/wake will be.

More photos after the break.

Bad Standup

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Shiny New Fall TV Part I

a.k.a. Zooey D owns.

At last the new TV Season is here and the networks are literally dying to win back audiences to their comfortable low channel numbers. So what have they got for us? Dinosaurs. Overly Serious Crime Procedurals at least one of which could be called CSI: Fairytale Forest. Extensions of popular franchises. And of course following deodorant trends, every show must be clearly marketed to dude or chick demographics. I remain steadfastly asexual in this regard.

The first batch of shows I saw are definitely skewing toward the chick side.

Clearly the best thing I will watch this year is Fox’s New Girl.


Not only does it have the adorable She of She & Him in the lead but it’s got Deputy Leo from Veronica Mars in it!

[But wait, there’s more!]

The Dog of the Day… of Infamy

世界の向こう側の どんな惨劇も
モニター越しの悲劇 そんなこの世の終わり

Atrocities on the other side of the world
are just sad little tragedies through our screens,
such an end of the world

These words are lyrics from a PIERROT song called REBIRTH DAY and they perfectly sum up the bizarre feelings I had while watching America suffer due to the events of September 11th, 2001. I wasn’t in the United States when the attacks on the Twin Towers went down. At that time, I was teaching English in Japan. I didn’t even hear about the attacks until Joe Holley sent me an email. I remember turning on the TV and of course that first image of one flaming tower was striking but as soon as we learned a second plane had hit… well,

terror accomplished.

My first instinct was one of preservation. I’m from the east coast and my family were living in New England at the time, so I feared for their safety. I felt so helpless viewing it all from the opposite side of the globe. Once it became clear that the attacks were over and that my family was safe. There was an eerie calm.

I didn’t know how to feel and I wanted someone to tell me desperately.

[But wait, there’s more!]

A Year in the Life of

My show interviews: with people is turning one year old just as I am turning thirty-four. I’m enormously proud of what me and my crew have accomplished in the margins of Cablevision’s more studious body of work. Interviews: with people is to Neighborhood Journal and Meet the Leaders as doodles are to a high schoolers copy of Sense and Sensibility.

In celebration of our longevity, I was given the go ahead to do a thirty minute special which is sort of a “best of plus alpha.” I’ll be posting the times and channels here when I learn more but expect it to air within September.

I have big news regarding the show but I have to wait until the powers that be get their ducks in order. Suffice to say, we about to blow up. Think of this as the calm before the storm and your chance to say, “I knew him when…

…his face was covered in birthday cake.”

Self Refraction

Self reflection doesn’t cut it.

We look at ourselves in the mirror every day and we’re none the wiser come bedtime. If anything staring at yourself only leads you to doubt and/or cherish everything about your life. It’s too much. It’s too broad and it avoids confrontation. The problem with reflection is that the process can only show us what we bring to it. When I’m feeling vain, I see my face aging. When I’m feeling slighted at work, I will see the reflection of a victim.

That’s not helpful and it leads to “venting” and “self pity.”

Our goal should be to see ourselves for who we are in that moment, and in that context. From both the best seats in the house and from the cheap seats in the nosebleeds.

[But wait, there’s more!]

Secret Sundays

I like waking up early on a Sunday and beating the birds to the worms and the worms to the dirt. There’s something different about the air. I could never explain the science of it but sound seems to pass through it differently. Everything is clearer. It’s the difference between balanced surround sound and hearing everything come out of two dinky speakers. Perhaps my own physiology plays a part as well. I just seem so much more aware. A bee on a flower. Another bee on an almost identical flower. The way people seem like background art as they bussle about. A plane passes overhead. It seems so far away and yet, paradoxically, at the tip of my fingers. When I step out the door I find the detritus of a Saturday Night world. A handkerchief, a shoulderbag even a shoe. These are secrets that usually only custodians are privy to. The world went right on spinning past these lost items but in about 5 hours, some young girl, with mascara face art is going to wake up and wonder why she’s shorter on one side today. I know the answer and now so do you.

I like to have a mission on days like this. Today I’m going to buy bacon. This is ironic because at the same time I’m thinking that I need to exercise like this more I’m going to eat the fatty bacon like a cannibal pig. I buy “miracle bubbles” at the supermarket. I think back on the simple joy of being a kid, when joy came in a cheap plastic bottle for 37 cents. I want Maya to know that joy. I’ve become really good at blowing bubbles. Maya doesn’t understand it yet. She’s under attack from invisible pests that explode in wetness. We’ll try again later. Or maybe she never will. Takako, 32 years deep, is equally unimpressed.

I look at the magazine section in the supermarket. How does Sarah Jessica Parker get the cover of anything. Does any woman wake up and say, “I want to be Sarah Jessica Parker today!” I’ve been watching Mad Men on Netflix. I can’t help but feel that the ads in these magazines would disappoint Don Draper. I strategize. If someone catches me reading Marie Claire I’ll look at a sexy model and pretend she’s my ex and I’m pining for days gone by. Am I writing this way because Don Draper did in the Season 4 episode, Summer Man? Maybe I am. It doesn’t matter. We should all be a little more honest.

I thought about this on the walk back to the apartment. All the witty things I would write swimming in my head drowning in my head. I wanted to go on Facebook and say the perfect thing. Something bite sized. A crowd pleaser. Maybe, “Secret Sundays rule!”

Björk to the Future: Part I

If you have never heard of Icelandic superstar pixie muffin Björk, you were never alive during the 90s. For all her intrinsic weirdness, Björk’s music in the 90s was always a reliable source of fifth dimensional electronic dance floor passion. It saddens me that this generation may only know her as the girl that wore the swan dress to the MTV Music Awards 2001 Academy Awards show. Well, I mean that’s a hell of a thing to be remembered for but it dismays me that her music has taken a backseat to her persona. Even though her music has always been in and around my life, Björk has never been mine except for my brief love affair with Lars Von Trier’s gutwrenching drama, Dancer n the Dark. All my friends owned her CDs so I never felt the need to be redundant in my purchases. I’ve always been threatening to dive into her work one day and this is that day.

[But wait, there’s more!]