I’ve been out of comission all weekend with a busted neck. What began as terror level Bloody Murder on Saturday morning when I awoke with a start to screaming pain, was downgraded to Chicken Bone in the Ass  on Sunday.

 The adults in my life tell me its what is commonly refered to as a “stiff neck”. But I would call it a writhing vortex of pain.

Clearly this is punishment for my hubris but I don’t think it will stop me from further cartwheels or wii-wheeling to come. 

* Edited for Humor and because I am not clinging to consciousness by a tiny thread *

Beowulf is an epic poem we all had to read in High School. For some of us it was the coolest part about high school (but not me, my vote goes for our super cool Debating Chess Moves Club!). Robert Zemeckis’ 3D Animated version which features tons more manwhoring and monster fucking than the original Olde English version, should be added as canon… for the sake of the teenagers.

In fact this version should replace Sex Ed, and we should teach our kids safe sex by showing them what happens when you abandon your soul for one night of steamy passion with a most beastial Angelina Jolie. Answer: She gets knocked up and then said offspring comes bearing down on your door several years later asking for back child support and or killing all of your friends, neighbors and co-workers.

 Then again, maybe we should refrain from showing them past Grendel, the ugly, screaming man-eating  mutant troll that turns out to be the unhappy accident of one night between King Howeveryousayhisnameagar and a golden and naked Jolie.  

Show them any further and you risk making it seem really cool to knock up a demon. Not to spoil the spoils but who wouldn’t want to have a cool ass Golden Dragon for a son?

Burninate them for me, son. Burninate them all.

In conclusion, my dragon would totally kill your dragon and Angelina Jolie is smokin’ hot.

Takako has this interpretation. She says, “I think this is about going from a romantic relationship to a sexual one. The singer says “forget about the romance, and we’ll do the opposite which is sex.” The bible is hot. I think it might be “metaphor”.

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma

Former purple SKY writer/correspondent and friend of the inu, Emi D, made the announcement today that her new company Electric Orchid Productions will be bringing over Oshare-kei pimp daddies Ayabie for a coast-to-coast mini tour of the U.S.

I’ll let the press release do the talking normally reserved for me:

Mischief and mayhem abound when oshare leaders Ayabie release their hyper-powered sonic confections on unsuspecting ears. With influences from electronica to anime, Finnish metal to fairytales, the one thing keeping it together is the band’s gleeful excitement about it all. And nowhere is that excitement more palpable than at their exhilarating live shows. They’ve been rocking out Japan since 2004, Europe since 2006 and, at last, they’re touring America in 2008. Come and give your smile a workout!

Not being a girl of teen age the oshare kei scene does little for me (not that I could fit into the ttly aws’m fashions anyway –harumph), but my smile does need a workout. Since I switched to a cheapo toothpaste it seems to be less dazzle gleam, and more crest. Also it sags around the corners and I have to prop it up with toothpicks.

Those members look like they’re from two different bands!

I am catching up on my Teen Girl Squad, quite possibly the funniest semi-animated thing not to parade around in an Adult Swim logo. People often say I’m cracked, or crazy or any other word that ends in -azy, but I have nothing on the fictional Strong Bad and his squad of hip teen arrow fodder.

I was overjoyed today to learn that Strong Bad will be getting his own video game in the form of WiiWare (and PC). It’s appropriately titled Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People. At last some hope that Wii Ware is more than just a way to sell us cheapo flash games at premium price! It will also sell us pant-poopingly funny cheapo flash games at premium price.

Brought to you by the folks at Telltale who are quickly racking up the funtime tickets towards my first born baby.

I was in a public restroom reading the “scripture of the shoppings malls” scrawled in filth on the walls of a bathroom stall when I started thinking about what the silliest thing i could write on there would be. Were I to be taken with the bard’s gift while passing a load.

Here are just some of the many ideas that shat from my mind.

Lick Dick Deepak Chopra. -self explanatory 

For a good time call Good Times.

St. Elmo’s Fire. (with a picture of Elmo)

Jessica Alba is a fine young woman of good moral fiber.

Oops. That doesn’t go in there.

 Ray Jay Johnson.  

Lastly:

I’m waiting in the stall next to you with a knife. Don’t scream. Don’t make a peep. Just slowly stick your fingers under the stall, and wait one minute. If I like what I see,  I’ll let you go. If you move, I’ll cut your heart out, and piss into the open cavity.  

— What are some of your fantasy bathroom scrawls?   

I was reading Haru’s blog and she was kind enough to transcribe a passage from Kirito’s radio show Brain Trip Night from March 22nd regarding the controversial choice to play PIERROT songs again.

Here is some of it translated with my commentary.

I think there are many people who see this differently. Some who are happy with it and others who feel conflicted. But playing these songs again at this time was something the band members decided together. It was brought up during the tour and discussed amongst the members, both Kohta and Takeo agreed with the idea so we began rehearsing them.

I’m not sure the “controversy” was ever sparked by fans thinking that this was Kirito’s solo brain child. It was more concerned with the affront to the missing PIERROT members who made that band’s music what it was.

(more…)

A friend of mine was telling me how the reknowned futurist (a real career -mind you) who foretold the coming of the internet and information age predicted that by 2015 the advances in medical science would come so fast and so startling that for each successive year I lived on I would extend my lifespan by one year, in essence, living forever.

And it reminded me of a passage from Chuck P’s Lullabye

Imagine immortality, where even a marriage of fifty years would feel like a one-night stand. Imagine seeing trends and fashions blur past you. Imagine the world more crowded and desperate every century. Imagine changing religions, homes, diets, careers, until none of them have any real value. Imagine traveling the world until you’re bored with every square inch. Imagine your emotions, your loves, your hate and rivalries and victories, played out again and again until life is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera. Until you regard the birth and death of other people with no more emotion than the wilted cut fowers you throw away.

I tell Helen, I think we’re immortal already.

I am in no means an advocate of anti-intellectualism. But it would seem that the curiosity which drives the pursuit of truth is a plague which will eventually claim us all, immortal or not.

This is a day that will live in infamy. After 30 years of unsuccessful attempts and ridicule, last night, I, Brian “the boo” Stewart, finally performed a successful, though completely uncool looking, cartwheel. Is it too late for me to flip for Johnny’s Ent?

Special thanks to ying for pushing me.