4 Comments

  1. Yay! More story. ^_^ I’ll read through it tomorrow. Tonight it’s off to the local clinic for some antibiotics. I’ve got a rotten sore throat/cold/sinus thing going on and it’s mean.

  2. I just finished my first read through this episode of Zombies and loved it. I laughed and snorted my way through the whole thing. ^_^ It’s kinda scary how you manage to sound so much like a teenage girl, though. Are you sure you weren’t one in another life? LOL

    I noticed you spelled Tortoise’s name wrong on the first page. There’s an extra “i” in there. I know there are some other minor things but I’ll have to pass them on later when I can think. I’m coughing my brains out, my eyes and nose are running and I need to get doped up so I can sleep tonight.

    Thanks for another fun read.

  3. You’re amazing. Above and beyond the call of duty. Thanks for reading –especially in your fragile condition!

    I’m happy to hear that Nessa comes across as authentic. I have an older sister and I was close friends with a girl thrown into the ill-fitting role of surrogate mother growing up. Still, it’s eerie how naturally writing her comes to me. I like to think she’s her own person and I’m just writing what she tells me. Past lives? No, but maybe multiple personality disorder.

  4. Multiple Personality Disorder hm? That fits. ~_^

    I’m almost human again but this damed bug really had me on my butt in bed for nearly two solid weeks. I still don’t have my voice back. There’s scar tissue in the back of my throat. Ew.

    I read through chapter two again and caught a couple of things that need correcting. However, you seem to be the kind of writer that gets better as they go along. There were glitches in the early pages but I didn’t find any in the later ones. Of course that doesn’t mean there aren’t any. I’m no great paragon of grammar.

    In your second full paragraph you need to replace the & symbol with “and”. Nitpicky, but it’s proper form. Later on in the page you have “Whosa good boy?” and that needs to be “who’s a” or it’ll confuse people trying to read it. ;)In the sentence, “No what really got to me was that I was deathly allergic to him.” You need a comma after “no” for the proper pause in the reading.

    You and I seem to have the same comma disease. You put them where you don’t need them and not where you do sometimes. I’ve done the same thing ever since I leared to write. There are a couple of other places where you do this. One is here:
    “Dad, took a long sip of coffee and cleared his throat before resuming his half-smile.” You can that that comma out. You can also take the one out of this sentence: “I was just helping out, Vanessa.” Keep an eye out for your commas.

    I thought there was one place you missed the closing quotation marks but I can’t find it, so it may have been my medication.

    Oh – I enjoyed the little extra blurb in the intermission. It’s amazing what people will do to manipulate others, isn’t it?

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your story. This is fun!

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