5 Comments

  1. I’m liking the feel of the story. The characters are fun and Nostradamus is a name everyone knows, so it leads you into wondering what kind of prophecy will be coming out. What I’ve read so far makes me want to read more, so you’re off to a good start. I even like the art. I hope you don’t mind, but it kinda has a Dr. Who feel about it for me right now.

    The constructive criticism I can give you is watch your sentence and paragraph structure. I was always given crap for it in school, so it’s been drilled into me. It’s a much smoother read if you watch your pauses, grammar, etc.(not like I’m any great writer :P) You have a sentence in there starting with “which” that my English prof. would have roasted me for. ;)However, keep making it fun and I’m sure the more you write the better it will get. Try not to be too nervous or overcritical and just let it flow.

  2. You’re a sweetheart. Thanks for the words both kind and critical. I’ve never been good at grammar in fiction writing. I always want to write the way I talk. Keep on me, officer.

    EDIT: Which has a Dr. Who feel to it, the art or the story? I’m not really familiar with Who.

  3. I really like what you’ve got so far. It grabbed my attention and left me wanting more.

    You have a grammar mistake in this sentence:
    “Fed up with her uninvited guest’s insistent buzz-killing, Vanessa, turned to the horse headed couple in the booth behind hers and snatched up the male horsehead’s coffee, turning the blazing hot contents over into his lap as she did so. ”

    It should read

    “Fed up with her uninvited guest’s insistent buzz-killing, Vanessa turned to the horse headed couple in the booth behind hers and snatched up the male horsehead’s coffee, turning the blazing hot contents over into his lap as she did so. ”

    Good stuff.

  4. The story made me think of Dr. Who…not the art. I think it’s because the story has some crazy characters in an odd environment…kinda sci/fi fantasy feeling to me.

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