* Edited for Humor and because I am not clinging to consciousness by a tiny thread *
Beowulf is an epic poem we all had to read in High School. For some of us it was the coolest part about high school (but not me, my vote goes for our super cool Debating Chess Moves Club!). Robert Zemeckis’ 3D Animated version which features tons more manwhoring and monster fucking than the original Olde English version, should be added as canon… for the sake of the teenagers.
In fact this version should replace Sex Ed, and we should teach our kids safe sex by showing them what happens when you abandon your soul for one night of steamy passion with a most beastial Angelina Jolie. Answer: She gets knocked up and then said offspring comes bearing down on your door several years later asking for back child support and or killing all of your friends, neighbors and co-workers.
Then again, maybe we should refrain from showing them past Grendel, the ugly, screaming man-eating mutant troll that turns out to be the unhappy accident of one night between King Howeveryousayhisnameagar and a golden and naked Jolie.
Show them any further and you risk making it seem really cool to knock up a demon. Not to spoil the spoils but who wouldn’t want to have a cool ass Golden Dragon for a son?
Burninate them for me, son. Burninate them all.
In conclusion, my dragon would totally kill your dragon and Angelina Jolie is smokin’ hot.