American Graffiti

I was in a public restroom reading the “scripture of the shoppings malls” scrawled in filth on the walls of a bathroom stall when I started thinking about what the silliest thing i could write on there would be. Were I to be taken with the bard’s gift while passing a load.

Here are just some of the many ideas that shat from my mind.

Lick Dick Deepak Chopra. –self explanatory 

For a good time call Good Times.

St. Elmo’s Fire. (with a picture of Elmo)

Jessica Alba is a fine young woman of good moral fiber.

Oops. That doesn’t go in there.

 Ray Jay Johnson.  


I’m waiting in the stall next to you with a knife. Don’t scream. Don’t make a peep. Just slowly stick your fingers under the stall, and wait one minute. If I like what I see,  I’ll let you go. If you move, I’ll cut your heart out, and piss into the open cavity.  

— What are some of your fantasy bathroom scrawls?   



  1. When I was younger I was made to visit a Catholic school, and I was rather tempted to deck the walls in pentagrams, etc. But if I gave some poor old nun a heart attack, I’d probably feel slightly bad.

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