As a new owner of a Nintendo Wii (Thanks Mom & Dad! Heart!,) I’m just now discovering the joys of that wonderful controller which is a set of maracas one minute and a presentation pointer the next. I’ll write more in depth about these first giddy days of Wiidom soon but I just had to share with you this troubling line of thought I stumbled across on Game Informer in a Preview of The Force Unleashed.
As you may expect, the game uses the Wii remote to control the movements of the lightsaber but not in a one-to-one manner. If it did, the player would need to be a professional fencer to use it. Instead, it detects direction of swing and translates.
What a fun bunch of obfuscation. Who is buying that the reason the lightsaber isn’t controlled in a “one-to-one manner” is because they were concerned that you would have to be a skilled fencer to pull off battles? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Fuck you, Bueller.
Sit your ass down.
It couldn’t possibly be because the Wii version of this title is a fucking afterthought. No, that would imply that a game, whose sole purpose until this point has been as a masturbatory tech demo of the next-gen power machines, was actually designed with the Wiimote’s unique functionality in mind and not saddled with “functionality” after the fact. No doubt to convince lazy parents their fatass kids are getting exercise.
And why is it coming to Wii in the first place? Why not just the lightsaber duel portion, souped up and designed from the ground up to at least give us the illusion that the Wiimote is capable of mimmicing a sword’s movements beyond translating “the direction of the swing.”
This is an excerpt from Game Informer’s own review of Far Cry.
…taking a majestic title like Far Cry and giving it the Wii treatment is like getting your Ferrari tuned up by a guy who normally works on Chevy Impalas. It doesn’t make much sense to port a franchise known for its amazing visuals, open-ended action, and dynamic enemy AI to a system lacking the power to achieve any of the above on the scale accomplished by the original game.
And as much as I dig No More Heroes pressing the button to swing is a lame cop out. Everyone already uses their Wiimote like a sword anyway, just give the people what they want!
Unless… the Wiimote isn’t precise enough to track the necessary motions at the right speeds?